Year of the Friends 3

On Saturday, I had ten friends over for food, games, and fun.   I had intended to have fourteen women over but not everyone showed (or rsvp’d).  I didn’t get to invite all the women who I care about and think are fabulous. There are too many of y’all.   I will in the coming months. 

2007/2008 is My Year of the Friends.  I’ve been inviting people to one-on-one lunches, doing “six at six” dinners, and having gatherings around themes.  Upcoming themes will be spiritual/earthy crunchy  (lol); single want to mingle, and crazy-fun.  What better way to show people that they matter, that you care about them, and take time from the daily grind, pressures and oppressions than to cook some good food and invite them to share?

Back to Saturday – we had a ball.  Food, music, games, dance, laughter, and advice – what could be better than that?  This all got me to thinking about friendships. There are various levels of friendships and types of friends we have.  It’s important to not confuse one type of friend for another type.  We need to have our:

long-term/historical friend – the person who has seen you grow.  Some people like my husband, have friends that have been in their life since grade school.  (He’s kept in contact with his friends all that time as they journeyed from Latin School to university to career.)

new friend – no baggage, no history, but she knows who you are and where you are in your life right now!

work friend – everyone needs one ally to trust at work.  This is a person you like, share your soul with, but very often doesn’t veer beyond the work world into your private life.

returned friend – you were friends when you were younger and lost touch for whatever reason and now find yourself back in each other’s orbs again.  Yippee!

proximity friend – the person at the gym, or the coffee shop, or on the committee with you who you like, come to love, but whose presence in your life goes away when you’re no longer in proximity.  And that’s okay.

estranged friend – they hurt your feelings, pissed you off, disappointed you, or vice versa and you’re taking a break from the friendship.  You’re not writing them totally off but you’re not feeling them at the moment and so your friendship takes a hiatus.  Not to be confused with…

former friend – you were girlz!  You’re not any longer and never will be again.  (Although be careful with that word “never”.  It has a way of coming back to bite you.)

crazy/wild friend – she takes you on her adventures literally or just by sharing the wild-ass things she does.  She’s a good one to have even if she does make you worry.

daughter-friend, mother-friend, sister-friend – you made her, she made you, you were made together.  The bonds here are phenomenal even when they are strained.

needy friend – she needs money, advice, an ear to listen.  When she calls you have to gird yourself for her latest trauma/drama.  She wears you out and still you pick up the phone!

never was your friend – this one hurts.  You thought she cared and you found out she didn’t like you, can’t stand you and never did.  You just have to let this one go…oh, well.

ace/friend to the end – she’s the one who will hold you up when life is holding you back or hurting and you’ll do the same for her.

I am blessed by my friends.  They are so fabulous, fantastic, deserving, and unswerving in their friendship.
Yeah…2007/08 My Year of the Friend.

Oh, yeah, those who were there on Saturday will never forget “The Right Way to Eat Barbecue” a piece I read them.  That one can’t go up on this blog…yet…

Check out “”  A fabulous website on urban, sustainable gardening/living hosted by Patricia Moreno.  She shows a paradise in the heart of Roxbury.

About Candelaria Silva

Candelaria Silva-Collins is a marketing, community outreach and programming consultant; writer; and trainer/facilitator who lives in Boston, Massachusetts. She has designed and facilitated workshops on a wide variety of topics including communication, facilitation, job search skills, team building, and parenting issues. She currently coordinates the Community Membership Program of the Huntington Theatre Company. Her work as Director of ACT Roxbury was profiled in several publications, including The Creative Communities Builders Handbook. Candelaria’s children’s stories, short stories, essays and reviews have been published in local and national publications and she is an active blogger. Her publications include the booklets, Handling Rejection; Pushing through Shyness: Networking Tips when You’re Shy, Slow to Warm Up or Just don’t Feel you Belong; and Real Questions about Sex & Relationships for Teens: A Discussion Guide for Parents. She has served on the boards of Goddard College, Wheelock Family Theatre, Boston Foundation for Architecture, and Discover Roxbury. She is currently Chair, Designators of the Henderson Foundation.

3 thoughts on “Year of the Friends

  • Jim Lewis

    Hey Candelaria!

    Great site, great column. I’d like to add a friend type: “might be a friend.” This is the person who you think you like, but either you or she is holding back and you can’t really tell which of you it is. Maybe there are more of these among men, I don’t know, we do hold back a bit. Also really enjoy Patti Moreno’s Garden Girl TV. She looks like she has found her medium and I love her message.


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