Ask…And… 1

Ask and you shall receive.  Well, not always, but at least you’ll get an answer.  When you don’t ask – wait a minute, let’s keep this in the first person, when I don’t ask I am playing a game of dodge.  I’m beating around the bush to avoid getting a definitive answer.  When things are up in the air, I can fantasize that I’ll hear a yes to my question. 

By avoiding finding out the for-sure answer, I short-circuit my chances of hearing maybe and turning that maybe into a yes.  The clock ticks as I get in my own way and dilute my chances.   These words are fairly ambivalent and a bit tortured because that’s how I often feel when I need to ask questions about money.  (Questions about money being as hard for me as questions about love – more on love later.) 

Could you support….I mean would you support…I mean this is why you should support  – this project, this organization, this dream.  (Although I recently discovered that it is easier for me to ask for support for someone else’s organization, project or dream than to ask for my dreams and goals.)

I hate hearing “no.”  Hate it!  Hate it!  Hate it to the point of avoidance.

How many times in my life have I avoided hearing the word “no?”  Too many to recount.  There have been dozens upon dozens of time that I kept getting ready to get ready to ask the question.  Tick…tick…tick.  My delay in opening my mouth and just going for it probably got me to a no as much as the original request would have.  What do you think?  What questions do you avoid asking?

In times gone by, I remember working up the courage to ask someone or some other one if he loved me.  (Names are being withheld to protect me, my ego, my privacy, etc.)  What I realized is that if I had to ask the question, “Do you love me?” that meant I already knew the answer:  “No, I do not.” (“But I like you, I lust for you, you’re aw-ight.”) 

With love, I learned that if I felt loved, was treated in a loving way, that was enough.  The words would eventually come and how much sweeter they sound when they come of their own accord.

With money, I am realizing that it is better to build my case, ask for what I want/need/feel that I am worth (or the project costs) and get an answer sooner rather than later.  Then I can move on to the next entity to ask on the list.  There is always someone/some place else to solicit just like there is always another lover to be discovered.

  • Seek and ye shall find. 
  • Ask and it shall be given. 

It may not come when you want it, you will often be surprised how it comes, and the source of love and money is often some place that wasn’t even on your radar, but it’s always right on time!  Amen, sister and brother.

Quick random thoughts – I knew sooner or later “they’d” be coming for Oprah.  I’m in the midst of reading my third memoir in the past week and I’m diggin’ learning about other people’s lives.  The books are:  Mixed by Angela Nissel, Tender at the Bone by Ruth Reichl and Unbowed by Wangari Maathai (I’m in the middle of this one.)  I recommend them.

About Candelaria Silva

Candelaria Silva-Collins is a marketing, community outreach and programming consultant; writer; and trainer/facilitator who lives in Boston, Massachusetts. She has designed and facilitated workshops on a wide variety of topics including communication, facilitation, job search skills, team building, and parenting issues. She currently coordinates the Community Membership Program of the Huntington Theatre Company. Her work as Director of ACT Roxbury was profiled in several publications, including The Creative Communities Builders Handbook. Candelaria’s children’s stories, short stories, essays and reviews have been published in local and national publications and she is an active blogger. Her publications include the booklets, Handling Rejection; Pushing through Shyness: Networking Tips when You’re Shy, Slow to Warm Up or Just don’t Feel you Belong; and Real Questions about Sex & Relationships for Teens: A Discussion Guide for Parents. She has served on the boards of Goddard College, Wheelock Family Theatre, Boston Foundation for Architecture, and Discover Roxbury. She is currently Chair, Designators of the Henderson Foundation.

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