Good, Better, Better…Not…Good, Badder, Badder 3


In the last few years, my mother told me two sayings that I wish she had given to me earlier  in life.  Of course I might not have been able to hear them or to absorb and believe in their wisdom when I was younger but it would have been nice to have had them.

The first saying comes from my great grandfather, Papa Pillow.  Mama says that he always said that a relationship was supposed to be “good, better, better not good, badder, badder.”  She said that he meant in the early days of a relationship it’s supposed to be good, a honeymoon phase where one delights in finding, meeting and knowing the new love.  This is as opposed to relationships that start out with an attraction and then go almost immediately into negatives and drama, lots of drama, ups and downs, starts and stops, and general crapola.

A lot of my sister friends aim too low in relationships or they try to force a fit because they “just don’t want to be lonely.”  A lot of my brother friends can’t see the good woman while check out the babes.  A lot of very good people miss each other because they are looking for specific physical attributes.  I’m working on a piece about this called

About Candelaria Silva

Candelaria Silva-Collins is a marketing, community outreach and programming consultant; writer; and trainer/facilitator who lives in Boston, Massachusetts. She has designed and facilitated workshops on a wide variety of topics including communication, facilitation, job search skills, team building, and parenting issues. She currently coordinates the Community Membership Program of the Huntington Theatre Company. Her work as Director of ACT Roxbury was profiled in several publications, including The Creative Communities Builders Handbook. Candelaria’s children’s stories, short stories, essays and reviews have been published in local and national publications and she is an active blogger. Her publications include the booklets, Handling Rejection; Pushing through Shyness: Networking Tips when You’re Shy, Slow to Warm Up or Just don’t Feel you Belong; and Real Questions about Sex & Relationships for Teens: A Discussion Guide for Parents. She has served on the boards of Goddard College, Wheelock Family Theatre, Boston Foundation for Architecture, and Discover Roxbury. She is currently Chair, Designators of the Henderson Foundation.

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