How are you gonna hurt my feelings? 1

I had a great time visiting my family in St. Louis recently.  Our trip was cut short but before the call came that shortened the visit and altered my world, my sister and I shared a big laugh.  She is a wise woman with a wicked sense of humor and a very direct delivery.

“How are you gonna hurt my feelings?” she said, as she recounted an incident with some kids she was teaching.  “What can you tell me that I don’t already know about myself?”

“You shouldn’t try to hurt my feelings, but I shouldn’t let my feelings be hurt.”

“I’m overweight, I’m old, I got a gap in my teeth…yeah,  I know.  What else you got?”

We had a great time running with this concept.  Bottom line is, our mirrors don’t lie to us.  Sometimes just getting out the door is the best we can do (although we do tend to do better than that…we actually iron and coordinate).

Nobody can criticize me any more than I criticize myself.  And because I am honest with myself, I can keep moving forcefully through the world.

“Baby, you are fat.  You are also smart, beautiful, young, and attractive.  You must be attractive or why would they be worrying you so?  Lose weight if you want to, meanwhile be the best fat you can be. Keep it moving.”

“Darling, you are short.  It’s okay.  It’s who you are.”

Soon there’ll be some real sh** to worry about but name-calling, naw.  Don’t give the words power.  Do what you need to do to live your life and prepare for your future.

Hurt my feelings by calling out things I already know about myself.?  Naw, that ain’t happening.

Love you, Sis.


if you liked this post, you might also like, Love Cuts.


About Candelaria Silva

Candelaria Silva-Collins is a marketing, community outreach and programming consultant; writer; and trainer/facilitator who lives in Boston, Massachusetts. She has designed and facilitated workshops on a wide variety of topics including communication, facilitation, job search skills, team building, and parenting issues. She currently coordinates the Community Membership Program of the Huntington Theatre Company. Her work as Director of ACT Roxbury was profiled in several publications, including The Creative Communities Builders Handbook. Candelaria’s children’s stories, short stories, essays and reviews have been published in local and national publications and she is an active blogger. Her publications include the booklets, Handling Rejection; Pushing through Shyness: Networking Tips when You’re Shy, Slow to Warm Up or Just don’t Feel you Belong; and Real Questions about Sex & Relationships for Teens: A Discussion Guide for Parents. She has served on the boards of Goddard College, Wheelock Family Theatre, Boston Foundation for Architecture, and Discover Roxbury. She is currently Chair, Designators of the Henderson Foundation.

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One thought on “How are you gonna hurt my feelings?

  • Carolyn

    This was a delicious truth dainty that went so well with my morning coffee; it so resonates with me and my hurt feelings. Love your sister’s Wisdom. I have a new attitude about my obvious truths. Thank you for sharing.