Just don’t go 3

It’s okay to say no.

It’s okay to not go.

It’s okay to stay home.

Sometimes you need to nest.

You have to replenish yourself.

And shore up your base

To maintain your flow.


Give yourself permission to take care of yourself.  Give yourself permission to just be.


Like most everybody I know, I am busy, interested, curious, and committed.  There is a world of stuff to do:  meetings, events, activities, and gatherings to say nothing of tending to relationships, chores, and interests and, yes,  what’s that other thing I’m forgetting?  Hmmm…work, there’s always that, too.  (Sometimes it feels like work is interfering with my life.)


I/you really can’t do it all; nor should I/you try. (This is, of course, easier to write then practice.)


We have to decide what our focus is for this decade, this year, this month, this week, today. 


Sometimes It has to be all about the children or all about your beloved or all about the studies or all about the career or all about the neighborhood or all about the vote or all about your faith or health or talent or giving back.


Sometimes you can juggle 10 balls in the air…other times only two.  Whichever of those times you’re living,  give yourself a rest, a retreat, a siesta, a Sabbath, a nap, a meditation, a mindless staring into space.  Twiddle your thumbs and balance, BaLaNcE, balance.


Just say no (sometimes).  Just don’t go.



If you liked this post, you might also like: Go Slow, to Go Fast.


About Candelaria Silva

Candelaria Silva-Collins is a marketing, community outreach and programming consultant; writer; and trainer/facilitator who lives in Boston, Massachusetts. She has designed and facilitated workshops on a wide variety of topics including communication, facilitation, job search skills, team building, and parenting issues. She currently coordinates the Community Membership Program of the Huntington Theatre Company. Her work as Director of ACT Roxbury was profiled in several publications, including The Creative Communities Builders Handbook. Candelaria’s children’s stories, short stories, essays and reviews have been published in local and national publications and she is an active blogger. Her publications include the booklets, Handling Rejection; Pushing through Shyness: Networking Tips when You’re Shy, Slow to Warm Up or Just don’t Feel you Belong; and Real Questions about Sex & Relationships for Teens: A Discussion Guide for Parents. She has served on the boards of Goddard College, Wheelock Family Theatre, Boston Foundation for Architecture, and Discover Roxbury. She is currently Chair, Designators of the Henderson Foundation.

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3 thoughts on “Just don’t go

  • Carolyn

    This is SO true; I have been working on applying this practice for some time now. The part that I feel I have just about mastered is the guilt surrounding my decision to say “no” or “no thank you” or “I have decided not to attend” or ” let’s not and pretend we did.” “Me” time is so important and I have come to cherish it. Girlfriend time is another cherished activity that for me falls under the umbrella of “Me” time. The good news is I am finally learning to do what I need to do for myself in order to recharge my batteries and grow and guilt be damned.

  • Peggy

    Excellent post Candelaria!
    I am getting much better at saying no these days.

    Men seem to do well at this but women tend to want to explain everything and apologise while they’re saying no.

    Saying no without guilt requires us to think about what we stand for. I am finding as I learn to eliminate unwanted obligations from my life, I am making room for myself which is just as important as making room for others.

    Getting over the need to be nice and stop worrying about disappointing others is quite a big hurdle to overcome but certainly reaps rewards.

    Peggy ♥♥♥