Can’t find the appropriate Father’s Day Card… 5

I am in the store buying father’s day cards – one for my step-dad, one for my husband, one for my daughter’s significant other and a few other dads I know – when I begin looking for one to give to my father, who I met back in February after his absence in my life for 50+ years.  I don’t find what I’m looking for in a card.  (I didn’t find what I was looking for in a father, either.)  None of the platitudes on the cards are appropriate.

Where’s the card that says – I acknowledge you as my father, my seed? Thank you for your part in my creation.

I don’t find one.  There’s a business opportunity in this I also think.  A memory bubbles up from a few years ago when I jotted down titles and categories for a line of mean cards that should be written.  This Father’s Day card would be one of them.  It’s not that the cards are mean necessarily, but they are direct.  Not sugar coated. No Hallmark sentiments.

Having met Saturnino, I feel a need to acknowledge him.  Having seen his face, I realize that although I look like my mother a whole bunch, I also look like him.  Our voices have a similar inflection.  We both have big feet.  We both have….well…one could go on listing for quite a while…suffice it to say that DNA don’t lie even when it is no longer relevant.

(Saturnino & Me, Feb. 2011)

My father seeded me.  I met him.  Now what? 

Based on my experience, one doesn’t get to have a father at age 56.  Days go by…weeks even when he doesn’t even cross my mind.  The hole where he should have been has long been filled and paved.  The longing squelched. When he does come to mind it’s because of a holiday and the urge to buy a card.

Happy Father’s Day to the man who wasn’t a part of my life but without whose seed I would not have been.  I have to acknowledge and thank him for that.


Lacking a Father’s Love

DNA Don’t Lie (El Niño, El Niño)





About Candelaria Silva

Candelaria Silva-Collins is a marketing, community outreach and programming consultant; writer; and trainer/facilitator who lives in Boston, Massachusetts. She has designed and facilitated workshops on a wide variety of topics including communication, facilitation, job search skills, team building, and parenting issues. She currently coordinates the Community Membership Program of the Huntington Theatre Company. Her work as Director of ACT Roxbury was profiled in several publications, including The Creative Communities Builders Handbook. Candelaria’s children’s stories, short stories, essays and reviews have been published in local and national publications and she is an active blogger. Her publications include the booklets, Handling Rejection; Pushing through Shyness: Networking Tips when You’re Shy, Slow to Warm Up or Just don’t Feel you Belong; and Real Questions about Sex & Relationships for Teens: A Discussion Guide for Parents. She has served on the boards of Goddard College, Wheelock Family Theatre, Boston Foundation for Architecture, and Discover Roxbury. She is currently Chair, Designators of the Henderson Foundation.

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5 thoughts on “Can’t find the appropriate Father’s Day Card…

  • David Mynott II

    Wow—what a powerful piece! This is my first Father’s Day without my Dad, who left this world (at least physically) last October. You, conversely, have just found him. How profound. These writings of yours belong in a book, newspaper, magazine, or all 3. I’m serious. Thanks for writing this, Candelaria. That took courage, to present us (& your father) with this gift.

  • Candelaria

    Thank you for your thoughtful comments.  I know it is hard for you to have the first Father’s Day without your Dad.  When my step-father died, I was 19 and I was devastated for a while.  I’m going to post something on step-fathers soon.  I do plan to get some books published and have printed my first inspirational essay, Handling Rejection.  It is for sale.  Look in recent blog-posts or on the home page of my website under publications.
    Thanks, again.

  • David Mynott II

    You’re most welcome.
    Oh, yeah. Just did a ‘Candelaria’ search in my email inbox, & there’s the notice about your essay. I’m going to order it (i never was good or graceful about rejection…i could use some help in that area).