I’ve noticed that in fiction, especially short stories, stories often stop rather than conclude. While recently reading a couple of short story collections trying to find stories for the short story group I belong to, I noticed this “stopping” rather than concluding a lot. This got me to thinking about my story and how it would end. I wrote this all down quickly in a notebook. I wrote: I wonder if my story, my life, will end like these stories – at a stop rather than a conclusion. A conclusion, to me, would be more satisfactory. A conclusion sums up.
A conclusion says, this is what you were for, this is why you were born, this is why you mattered, if only to a few…if only for mere moments in the grand scheme of things.
The unexpected deaths of two people who were not close to me but with whom I interacted over the years, who both mattered to other people who are close to me, reinforced this wondering about stops/ends/conclusions/summations.
They each mattered to others. One lived a conventional life and was a good do-bee. The other lived unconventionally and didn’t have much materially. He was a free-bee. One had a few months warning that her death was imminent although she only shared the information with about 6 people. The other had a heart attack. One planned her home-going celebration. The other had no plan. His burial was left to others. In the end, both departed and both mattered beyond what they knew and to more people than they may have imagined.
A line in a song from the church of my youth said, “believe I”ll run on, see what the end is gonna be.” I don’t plan to run-on because as far as I’m concerned, I’m not ready yet. What I know is that, until my end, I can’t stop. I must go on. Going on means:
Putting one foot in front of the other.
Doing something of meaning each day.
Being my best me as much as I can.
Enjoying the abundance of pleasures that I witness around me.
Not taking the people closest to me for granted.
Giving to others.
Taking care of myself.
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