Frightened and Scired 9

Flying from Boston to Charlotte by way of JFK Airport in NYC had me frightened and scired (scared).  We dipped and bounced damn near the whole way there.  Luckily, JFK is a hop-skip-and jump from Boston but still, it was long enough and I felt every second of the flight.

I always pray before, going up, and coming down when I fly.  I whispered, “Lord, Have Mercy,” the whole way.  I was thankful that there was someone sitting next to me.  She’d already shared a magazine with me.  I peeped at her and saw that she had her eyes closed in prayer during one of the particularly bad dips.  I planned to grab her hand and hug her if the plane went down.  I wouldn’t die alone. 

It took everything in me to take the second half of my flight.  I was a mother on a mission and so I imagined myself  – actually it was more like I projected myself – in Charlotte greeting my daughter and my granddaughter. attending to the business and pleasure of my visit.  And, of course, the pilot announced as we were taxiing to the runway that there was a particularly bad weather pattern across the country with high winds and thunderstorms in Charlotte.  He said that he’d do his best to make the ride as smooth as possible. 

My anxiety ramped up.  I was ready to jump off the plane but it was too late for that. I gulped, swallowed, started my meditative breathing, and prayed – Lord, Have Mercy, Lord, HAVE MERCY – and was thankful, this time, that there was no one sitting next to me, because I needed to stretch my legs and grip the armrest.  My anticipation of another roller coaster ride was worse than the ride itself.  The pilot did a masterful job of avoiding most of the turbulence but I was so anxious I didn’t realize that until the flight was over.   I couldn’t watch television, listen to music, focus on the book I was reading, or sleep.  I veered between these things until I gave up and became breath and mantra – Have Mercy, Lord.

In moments where you feel as scired/scared as I was, you realize that your life is so wonderful that all you want to do is to get back to it.  You realize that whatever has concerned you, whatever you’ve been fretting about, doesn’t amounts to much.  You realize that you love the life you have (not the one you keep trying to have or fantasize about) is perfect and you just want to return to it.

I thank God that I made it to Charlotte safely and in my right, if somewhat rattled mind.  Halleluah!

About Candelaria Silva

Candelaria Silva-Collins is a marketing, community outreach and programming consultant; writer; and trainer/facilitator who lives in Boston, Massachusetts. She has designed and facilitated workshops on a wide variety of topics including communication, facilitation, job search skills, team building, and parenting issues. She currently coordinates the Community Membership Program of the Huntington Theatre Company. Her work as Director of ACT Roxbury was profiled in several publications, including The Creative Communities Builders Handbook. Candelaria’s children’s stories, short stories, essays and reviews have been published in local and national publications and she is an active blogger. Her publications include the booklets, Handling Rejection; Pushing through Shyness: Networking Tips when You’re Shy, Slow to Warm Up or Just don’t Feel you Belong; and Real Questions about Sex & Relationships for Teens: A Discussion Guide for Parents. She has served on the boards of Goddard College, Wheelock Family Theatre, Boston Foundation for Architecture, and Discover Roxbury. She is currently Chair, Designators of the Henderson Foundation.

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