One doesn’t necessarily equal another

Just because someone isn’t mean to you doesn’t mean they’re good to you (or for you).

Just because someone isn’t blocking you doesn’t mean they’re supporting you.


When you tend to sort for the good, like I try to, you often don’t notice these nuances until you’re in the middle of a thing or sometimes when you’ve finished with a thing.  It’s only when looking back that I engage in analysis.  That’s when I notice the obstacles, the roadblocks, and the people who did not support me and in fact were expecting me to fail.


Most of the time,  it’s been better for me to keep walking forward, fixated on my goal (or just on forward movement).  There are a few things I’ve achieved in my life that I would never have tried if I’d known how much it would take to accomplish them.  Sometimes, youth and my eternal naiveté about so much in life, kept me from knowing what I didn’t know and couldn’t do.  Somehow, most times, I’ve pulled whatever I’ve gotten into, off. There are things I didn’t know I had in me to do, until I did them.


I’ve had mini-adventures this way:

  • Hitchhiking to New York City with two other girls from college (and only a few dollars in my pocket).  Well, on second thought, I won’t share that.
  • Here’s another one – Once, many years ago, I decided to go on a waterslide which required that I walk up a very tall set of stairs.  I hate heights!  But, I decided to do it and once I started up the ladder, I didn’t back down although I wanted to.
  •  Another time, I was convinced to go on a Ferris Wheel and my companion arranged for it to be stopped when we were up top. I shuddered to my core but then, after a few minutes, I swallowed and opened my eyes and looked around.  You’re here now, I thought, so look.  It’s really too late to be scared once you’re up in the air!  The view was wonderful although I’ve never desired to replicate that experience.

 Just because you love someone doesn’t mean they love you back.
Just because someone loves you doesn’t mean they like you.
One and one do not always equal two.

This also gets me to thinking about how we decide what experiences we will have, where or if we will travel, what our limits are, and what makes us expect good from other people and life.

(istock photo)

How can you expect good if you’ve never seen/experienced good before?


I caught the second of Oprah‘s shows from Australia today and it was so good I will try to catch the remaining two and the one I missed. 

Some of the people on her trip have found that winning the trip to Australia really opened them up.  One guy learned to swim so he could snorkel.  Another woman – I think she was from Detroit – had her son with her and conquered her fear of bridges because they climbed the Sydney Bridge to take a record-breaking photo of the largest group atop the bridge  and get a good view of the Sydney Opera House to boot.  Several people didn’t have passports before winning this trip.

It is so easy to stay restricted by the messages you receive from family, friends, neighbors, teachers, the media, etc., around what you can do, where you can go, what you should dream.  Couple that with one’s own fears, laziness and lack of or misuse of resources and you can get stuck.

I’m trying to be as free in deeds as I am in thoughts.  To find the adventurer inside me, to bring forth the other Candelarias who are not mired in what they used to do, used to want, or gave up.

Just because you haven’t doesn’t mean you won’t.

What if the biggest block to living a life of incredible bounty and beauty has been yourself?


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If you like this post, you might also dig:

Falling Asleep at the Wheel of Your Life



I Apologize to Myself


What is Good?



About Candelaria Silva

Candelaria Silva-Collins is a marketing, community outreach and programming consultant; writer; and trainer/facilitator who lives in Boston, Massachusetts. She has designed and facilitated workshops on a wide variety of topics including communication, facilitation, job search skills, team building, and parenting issues. She currently coordinates the Community Membership Program of the Huntington Theatre Company. Her work as Director of ACT Roxbury was profiled in several publications, including The Creative Communities Builders Handbook. Candelaria’s children’s stories, short stories, essays and reviews have been published in local and national publications and she is an active blogger. Her publications include the booklets, Handling Rejection; Pushing through Shyness: Networking Tips when You’re Shy, Slow to Warm Up or Just don’t Feel you Belong; and Real Questions about Sex & Relationships for Teens: A Discussion Guide for Parents. She has served on the boards of Goddard College, Wheelock Family Theatre, Boston Foundation for Architecture, and Discover Roxbury. She is currently Chair, Designators of the Henderson Foundation.

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