One is the Magic Number* 6

My most important and on-going relationship is the one I have with myself.  I’ve learned to take care of myself, to pay attention to myself, to like myself and to do for myself. 

One of the most important things I’ve learned thus far in my life is to be comfortable being alone.

My home is a universe to me, and, especially during cold, dreary winter days, I can stay comfortably ensconced in it.  I fill my time by:

  • Reading
  • Writing
  • Blogging
  • Internet Surfing
  • Dancing
  • Watching movies and various how to and reality shows.  (One I love is “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives” because Guy Fieri, the host, is just so outrageously enthusiastic)
  • Cooking
  • Listening to music
  • Hanging out with my husband
  • Talking to friends on the phone
  • Meditating
  • Day dreaming

(Not listed in order of importance!)

I am also comfortable being out in the world alone.  I

  • Go for long walks – sometimes including errands, sometime just walking.
  • People watch (and make shameless running commentary in my head about the people I see).
  • Go to the movies (I never have arguments with myself about what movie to see.).
  • Pack a lunch or go to a restaurant for lunch (I always get to eat what I want to eat).
  • Meander.
  • Shop.
  • Etcetera

I think being comfortable by myself has made me better able to be with others.
I am comfortable with myself, I like myself, in fact – I dig me some Candelaria. (It’s quite a blessing to like and accept oneself!)

*Jill Scott, the phenomenal lyricist, poet, singer and actor, wrote this song that says this more eloquently than me.

One is the Magic Number

If I multiply 2 times 2 is it really, really 4 me
La [x6]
And if I add 5 to get 9 minus 8 that just leaves me
Me [x8]
So many times I define my pride
Through somebody else’s eyes (La da da, la da)
Then I looked inside and found my own stride,
I found the lasting love for me
If I’m searching for my spirituality
Passionately I must begin with me

There’s just me…
One is the magic number [x2]

If I add myself unto myself multiplied times
You and yours and you again
There’s just me
And if I divide 8 billion, 48 trillion, 98 zillion
There is, there is just me
If I subtract one plus me to the 5th degree,
Use any theorem
There’s just me

There’s just me…
One is the magic number [x2]

Me, me, me, me…
[Ad lib to end]

is a magic number – although it is not the only magic number.  But before you can get to any of the other numbers,  you’ve got to start with ONE…meaning You..

About Candelaria Silva

Candelaria Silva-Collins is a marketing, community outreach and programming consultant; writer; and trainer/facilitator who lives in Boston, Massachusetts. She has designed and facilitated workshops on a wide variety of topics including communication, facilitation, job search skills, team building, and parenting issues. She currently coordinates the Community Membership Program of the Huntington Theatre Company. Her work as Director of ACT Roxbury was profiled in several publications, including The Creative Communities Builders Handbook. Candelaria’s children’s stories, short stories, essays and reviews have been published in local and national publications and she is an active blogger. Her publications include the booklets, Handling Rejection; Pushing through Shyness: Networking Tips when You’re Shy, Slow to Warm Up or Just don’t Feel you Belong; and Real Questions about Sex & Relationships for Teens: A Discussion Guide for Parents. She has served on the boards of Goddard College, Wheelock Family Theatre, Boston Foundation for Architecture, and Discover Roxbury. She is currently Chair, Designators of the Henderson Foundation.

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6 thoughts on “One is the Magic Number*

  • Sarah Caron

    How very true! I’ve been thinking a lot on subjects like this lately — and specifically on how to communicate this to my kids. I want them to enjoy and rejoice in their ability to be with people or not. To live happily, no matter who is around. And I know that is a trait that I sadly lacked until I was well into my adulthood.

  • Candelaria

    Being able to enjoy solitude and one’s own company is so important.  I think I have always done it because I liked to read so much as a child.  I can still get lost in a book even in the company of others.  Children do adopt a lot of what they see us do – so talking about “me time” and instituting “me time” practice in the house will help this become a habit for them.  Thanks for commenting.

  • Danielle

    This is such a valuable message to share. Do you know that I just went to the movies alone for the first time last year. I really wanted to see the ‘Last King of Scotland,” and no one I knew was interested or willing to make time. So I went, on a Thursday afternoon, I might add, but I got their nonetheless. I’m not really sure why I was timid, but to be honest, I enjoyed it. It was almost as if it was a special retreat, something just for me. I didn’t have to worry about the movie selection; I knew what I wanted to see. Didn’t have any arguments about seating or what time to arrive. Thanks for writing on this subject;it’s got me thinking about penciling in something very similar very soon.

  • Christina

    I completely agree. I enjoy companionship, and have been learning more about what I seek in a companion (not a boyfriend) by enjoying my alone time. People often equate being alone with being lonely, which is a fallacy. I find that in being alone and spending time with myself, I learn more about myself. It is a truly a person strong in the mind who can be alone, but not be lonely. People absolutely make life infinitely more interesting, but the lack of available people shouldn’t keep one from participating in life. I’ve learned that and have taken on a new leaf…since then I’ve be trying different activities that I would not have otherwise done had I waited for others to accompany me. Next on my list: Helicopter Flight Over Niagara Falls.

    When I do meet my companion, I think the time I’ve spent alone will give me the most substance to add to our dynamic and allow him to bring new experience to my life and me to his life (quid pro quo).

  • Candelaria

    It’s a valuable lesson to learn and the earlier you can do it the better.  Some of the most miserable times I’ve had in my life occurred when I was lonely even though I was in a relationship and when I was waiting for others to do things that I wanted to do but ddn’t feel right doing myself.  Glad I got over that.  Thanks for your comments.

  • Rick Umali

    This is a great post, because I too feel that learning to “like yourself” is important to growing. Terrific post! And props to you for enjoying “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives”. I eat vicariously through Guy Fieri.