Have you ever noticed that when cats and dogs get near each other, they immediately sniff, touch and frolic? They know something that human beings often forget – that touching and playing is essential to our well being.
I remember a period in my life when I was getting no touching, no hugging, no kissing, no frolicking, no nothing. That was a bleak period. I could get over the lack of Vitamin F if you will, but to not get hugged was a terrible kind of starvation. I was suffering from a deep case of skin hunger. My skin felt dry; like it would crackle like peanut brittle.
I have a few friends and some other acquaintances who just need a touch…a touch…a touch. Hugs on a regular basis would make them feel much better. They need that sense of connection one feels when one touches another. For many of them – it has been years since they’ve been in a relationship that included touching. If one is not in a relationship – it can be almost impossible to get touched. Think of it – living in a great big city with hundreds of thousands of people – and yet having no one to touch (non-sexually or sexually). How bereft!
I probably frightened a young friend once, when I grabbed his hand while we were walking down the street talking. I wasn’t flirting at all. We were talking soul-to-soul and it just felt wrong not to have skin contact while we conversed. I’ve also been in a number of powerful meetings and trainings where those of us participating got through a difficult project or broke through to a new insight or just learned something deeply and then we all said thank you and left. It didn’t feel right. It felt like we should hug each other. A couple of times in these situations, I’ve actually asked the other participants if they minded if I gave them a hug. I’ve never had anyone turn me down.
I made a decision a few years ago that I would say hello to people when I walk down the street. This can be a revolutionary act in Boston. I decided to use my home-training and say hello, like everyone in St. Louis did when I was growing up. I decided I wouldn’t worry whether the people I spoke to back. I have noticed that more people speak back now than they did when I started doing this. I have also noticed that some people, like teenagers, are surprised when I say hello.
If I could, I would gift massages to those friends who have acute cases of skin hunger. Since I can’t, I will be more demonstrative than my innately shy and sometimes aloof nature prompts me to be, and give them a hug. In fact, I’ll give a metaphorical hug to the world as I say my prayers tonight. Squeeze…squeeze.
