The missives are in the air 3

The missives are in the air and it’s too late to call them back.  This is why it’s important to draft angry emails in letter form as a word document, not in email.  They should be allowed to marinate for a couple of days.  You should read them aloud before you send them. Listen to yourself.  Do these words make sense?  Does the recipient deserve them?  Does the recipient even give a fat rat? You have to think about what purpose your missive-missile is serving.  Are you:

  • Venting.

  • Getting someone told.

  • Giving feedback? (People shoot messengers you know.)     

  • Is the feedback wanted?

“Ef-you” is probably not good to say in any official communication that will live on to have at least a hundred lives.  (Unless it’s sent anonymously from a mailbox far away from your neighborhood…something I’ve thought about doing on more than one occasion but talked myself out of…so far. lol)

Explanations and pleas are other forms of communication that you shouldn’t  launch without careful analysis and re-writing.

Apologies can be let go of quickly because most apologies are generally warranted and rarely given.  The exception to this is a twisted apology…something like, “I apologize for calling you a short bitch.  Bitch would have been enough.”

Queries must be carefully-worded and should be mulled over so you can determine if they’ll pass the pride test.  Will you feel worse for having made a query then you would feel if you hadn’t made it? To make a query and get no response or a lukewarm response feels yucky.  I’m too proud to beg or do anything that remotely feels like begging.

Yet, I’m learning that one has to raise a bit of a ruckus to get noticed. “Me, Me, Me!”  Notice me, choose me, hire me.  I can do that.”  (The squeaky wheel gets the oil.)

After you write down what you’d really like to say, upon re-reading it you may find that getting it off your chest, out of your thoughts, and away from your heart is enough.  You may not need to send it to what’s-her-or-his-face after all.  You can press the delete button or, for a more physical release, print it out and tear it up (tossing it into the recycle bin after),

As for me, it’s too late, baby, now it’s too late because a particular missive is in the air.  Next time, I’ll follow my own advice. 


About Candelaria Silva

Candelaria Silva-Collins is a marketing, community outreach and programming consultant; writer; and trainer/facilitator who lives in Boston, Massachusetts. She has designed and facilitated workshops on a wide variety of topics including communication, facilitation, job search skills, team building, and parenting issues. She currently coordinates the Community Membership Program of the Huntington Theatre Company. Her work as Director of ACT Roxbury was profiled in several publications, including The Creative Communities Builders Handbook. Candelaria’s children’s stories, short stories, essays and reviews have been published in local and national publications and she is an active blogger. Her publications include the booklets, Handling Rejection; Pushing through Shyness: Networking Tips when You’re Shy, Slow to Warm Up or Just don’t Feel you Belong; and Real Questions about Sex & Relationships for Teens: A Discussion Guide for Parents. She has served on the boards of Goddard College, Wheelock Family Theatre, Boston Foundation for Architecture, and Discover Roxbury. She is currently Chair, Designators of the Henderson Foundation.

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3 thoughts on “The missives are in the air

  • Pattie

    Thanks for the reminder. I work in a place where mentally I am cussing folks out all the time. I just haven’t graduated to writing those “real” thoughts out. :)

  • Jim

    Don’t despair, sometimes what ought never have been launched lands harmlessly and occasionally even to good effect. Good luck with that. I hope you follow up this entry with the results of your missive if you ever find out.