Bedrooms and Values 7

On my recent trip to visit my daughter and granddaughter in Charlotte, I got to thinking about bedrooms, space and values.

I never had my own bedroom until I became an adult.  My daughter and son  had  rooms of their own growing up except for a couple of years when they shared.   For several years they had two rooms each – one at my house and one at their Dad’s.  My granddaughter has started out life having her own bedroom and separate play spaces within her home.  She doesn’t have to share a bathroom.

I grew up not having the ability to shut the door and have privacy.  I had to negotiate bathroom time.  I used to burrow into the closet, make a pallet on the floor, turn-on my flashlight and read.  This was the only way I could physically create privacy.  I created mental privacy all the time by going so deeply into a book that I couldn’t hear anything going on around me.  Books were a constant companion.  I might have to go to the family gathering or slog around to the weekly shopping trips, but I didn’t have to really be there.  Books took me away to other worlds.  On those occasions when I wasn’t allowed to read a book – I would create stories in my mind and project myself away from where I was.

In my mind, my ability to share and to work/make do with what I have is directly linked to having to share a room growing up.  I wonder how my granddaughter will relate to space.  Will she have the notion that she has a right to privacy and will that notion carry on throughout her life?  Will she value having her own space, will she expect privacy, will she be a child who can share or will she be selfish and self-centered?  Will she have sense of privilege and entitlement or will she be gracious and grateful?  Do I want my granddaughter to “make do?”  Do I want her expectations to be higher than those I had growing up?

Time will answer many of these questions. Right now she is a queen in the country of herself.  She may get deposed if she has siblings.  She’ll be the oldest (like me), which will thrust her into the role of having to share and having to help look after and set an example for the younger siblings.  Because of her mother’s passionate commitment to volunteering, she will certainly be exposed to giving to others. 

Values have to be consciously taught to children, but they are also observed and absorbed by their watching the everyday actions of parents and other people in their lives.  Values are transmitted by what you grow up with and are taught is part of your birthright.  She is certainly starting out life with great space, with a door of her very own that she can close.  I am looking forward to watching her grow and seeing how she walks in the world with the space and things she has.

I want her to have strength of character and independence without having to suffer to build these traits.  I want her to be a productive member of the world.  I want her to be happy.