Is it too much to ask? 4

Is it too much to ask? (Apparently so.)

You just want to:

  • Get what you give.

  • Get something you want.

  • Get something you’ve asked for.

  • Get something you asked for when and how you asked for it.

  • Get something you’ll recognize as a love offering or a reasonable acknowledgement of who you are, what you mean, the fact that you have been doing a good job.

That’s all.

(This post isn’t only about what you think it is about.  In fact, it is to more than one of you.)

  • How about getting the check when it is promised?

  • How about getting a card through the mail when you’ve sent out so many?

  • How about receiving the gift on the actual day?  (The day that happens the same date each and every year!)

It’s not the expense…it’s the thought.

It could even be free – time equaling love and all that.

How about getting the gift of time and attention?

A night out dancing (or a night in). 
A long, walk through the park holding hands….okay,we don’t have to hold hands.

You want what you want – something celebratory on your day.

  • Not to have to soothe someone else’s feelings when they’ve come up short.

  • Not to spend time deflecting an argument.

  • Not to have to plaster on a smile and make do.

Is it too much to ask?  (I guess it was.)

Thanks to those who surprise, delight and get it right.  Better luck next time to those who didn’t.

Other posts you might enjoy:

Who deserves it more than you?

Pay me my money when I’ve done the work!


About Candelaria Silva

Candelaria Silva-Collins is a marketing, community outreach and programming consultant; writer; and trainer/facilitator who lives in Boston, Massachusetts. She has designed and facilitated workshops on a wide variety of topics including communication, facilitation, job search skills, team building, and parenting issues. She currently coordinates the Community Membership Program of the Huntington Theatre Company. Her work as Director of ACT Roxbury was profiled in several publications, including The Creative Communities Builders Handbook. Candelaria’s children’s stories, short stories, essays and reviews have been published in local and national publications and she is an active blogger. Her publications include the booklets, Handling Rejection; Pushing through Shyness: Networking Tips when You’re Shy, Slow to Warm Up or Just don’t Feel you Belong; and Real Questions about Sex & Relationships for Teens: A Discussion Guide for Parents. She has served on the boards of Goddard College, Wheelock Family Theatre, Boston Foundation for Architecture, and Discover Roxbury. She is currently Chair, Designators of the Henderson Foundation.

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4 thoughts on “Is it too much to ask?

  • Carolyn

    I apologize for not making the time to find the great I wanted to send. I apologize for not making the time to go to South Station to mail the card. I apologize for not making the time to let a deserving, special person know how mich she means to me.

  • Candelaria

    Thank you for the sentiment.  Of course, you are not at all who I was thinking of when I wrote this post.  Your birthday call was fine-fine-fine.

  • Heidi

    Without knowing the details, I think I know just how you feel. Not so long ago, I just stopped doing those things – it wasn’t so much that I didn’t like making and doing things for birthdays, etc., it was just that I wanted to be appreciated. Not met with silence, or an, “Oh, by the way,” from some grownup’s MOTHER for the cookies I sent. I wrote about it a little in the post I linked to with my comment here. Have they noticed? Absolutely. Do they care enough to reach out in return? No. Our relationship seems to be built on me being the giver, no matter how genuinely, spiritually needy I might be in a given moment. And that’s why I stopped. It’s not real friendship. Not always possible with family, though. But you can scale back your emotional (and time) investment in the care packages if it just makes you feel bad.

  • Candelaria

    Thanks so much for taking the time for responding and for understanding what I was trying to say.  I am not a quid pro quo or tit for tat woman generally but after a while it does get wearing to be the giver so much and not get even a fraction of it back in return.  Like you said, we can cut what we do for friends and acquaintances; it is difficult if not impossible to cease with family.  I think you’ll like my next post which will be up within the next day or so.  Like you, I like to give but I also like to receive especially from the special few.