Just Pick Up and Go! 5

Have you ever found yourself unexpectedly in an airport or train station and thought to yourself – I could just pick up and go some where?  Perhaps you’re waiting on a friend when the thought occurs to you that you could just up and go…disappear.  Such was the urge that came over me when I walked through South Station after a meeting nearby.  I love sitting and watching the hustle and bustle of the people at the station.  (So what if I munched on a delicious cupcake from Rosie’s Bakery counter while there?)  I love hearing the announcements as trains arrive and depart.  I get a kick trying to figure out where the people there are going and making up stories about who they are, what they do, and why they’re travelling.

The urge to leave was almost overwhelming.  I could just pick up and go; I have enough money to buy a train ticket somewhere, I thought.

I wasn’t feeling unhappy or unsettled or angry.   There was no one I wanted to go see at that moment.  It was just an instinct to be spontaneous and anonymous and move.  I resisted the urge because I’ve become too practical.  I wanted to go and not tell anyone.  And that’s just not something I’ve done in a very long time.

I once hitched to NYC and no one knew I was going.  This was back in my college days when lots of people hitched and it felt safer.  Still it was dangerous, I had very little money in pocket and these were pre-cellphone, pre-credit card days.  My girlfriend who went to Sarah Lawrence College was sure surprised to see me at her door. Crazy! Crazy!  But a memory that will give me a few chuckles in my old age (and does so now in my middler years).

One of the ways I satisfy this recurring urge, is to go on long walks after I’ve taken the T somewhere.  I’ll explore a new neighborhood, finding a place to eat and exploring a bookstore, library, gallery or thrift store if there’s one nearby.  I like the idea of being some place where nobody knows me and no one expects anything of me.

I can just be with myself and by myself without the distracting chatter or desires of others.  The love for and need for solitude may explain why I sometimes feel acutely alone in this isolation of my own making.  What I like best is to be near chatter, laughter, and people but not be in the middle of them.  Off to the side, joining and retreating at will.  Is that weird?