You’re not my effin friend


I got caught up in the madness
and excited when the first day I signed up on Facebook I got twenty friends in my first exploration of the site.    The requests started coming fast and furious.  Next thing you know, I’m getting requests from all over the place – friends née acquaintances four times removed.

While there were some delights in this torrent of “friends” (like the woman who went to elementary school with me), it truly got out of hand.  So I said:


and began to “defriend” people and regularly scan my list to remove people who:

  • I just don’t know that well.
  • I know but don’t care for them to have updates about my life.
  • Have been inactive.
  • Are out-of-sync with my lifestyle.
  • Send too much junk (i.e., ghetto snacks, Mafia wars, cyber hugs, the latest quiz – what kind of pet are you, etc.)

Just because I’ve met you and you’ve met me, doesn’t mean we’re friends.
Just because we know lots of the same people, doesn’t mean we’re friends.

Recently, I found out from my stepdaughter that there’s a website you can go to find out when someone de friends you on Facebook: 

When she put this message on her Facebook page, it made me laugh-out-loud!  Oh, well.
9I do want to apologize to the one person I accidentally de-friended in my zeal to trim my FB list.  Perhaps I’ll send him an email.)

Don’t think for one minute that I don’t think I’ve been de-friended.  I’m sure I have.  I just don’t care to check and find out.

“Friends, how many of us have them?”

If you liked this post, perhaps you’ll like  this other post on friendship I wrote, Year of the Friends.



About Candelaria Silva

Candelaria Silva-Collins is a marketing, community outreach and programming consultant; writer; and trainer/facilitator who lives in Boston, Massachusetts. She has designed and facilitated workshops on a wide variety of topics including communication, facilitation, job search skills, team building, and parenting issues. She currently coordinates the Community Membership Program of the Huntington Theatre Company. Her work as Director of ACT Roxbury was profiled in several publications, including The Creative Communities Builders Handbook. Candelaria’s children’s stories, short stories, essays and reviews have been published in local and national publications and she is an active blogger. Her publications include the booklets, Handling Rejection; Pushing through Shyness: Networking Tips when You’re Shy, Slow to Warm Up or Just don’t Feel you Belong; and Real Questions about Sex & Relationships for Teens: A Discussion Guide for Parents. She has served on the boards of Goddard College, Wheelock Family Theatre, Boston Foundation for Architecture, and Discover Roxbury. She is currently Chair, Designators of the Henderson Foundation.

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