I apologize to myself:
- for the opportunities I’ve squandered along the way,
- for challenges I avoided,
- for not doggedly pursuing my biggest dream,
- for not being a better steward of my money,
- for thinking small,
- for being mean when it was unnecessary,
- for not asking for help, which meant that I felt alone when I did not have to,
- for not seeking advice, which meant I struggled far longer than I had to with problems,
- for sharing the special Vee with people who were unworthy,
- for believing I was not worth more,
- for wasting my talents,
- for telling off people who didn’t deserve it and being mealy-mouthed with people who should have been told off,
- for wasting time because I thought I had forever,
- for giving into my fears too often and therefore missing once-in-a-lifetime (as it turns out) adventures,
- for not traveling when it was easier to do so,
- for believing the hype,
- for not becoming the librarian or scholar I was meant to be,
- for disappointing my Mom,
- for not being a better mother (I think I was pretty good but I could have been better),
- for saying yes when I wanted to say no,
- for sitting in sorrow longer than necessary,
- for not dancing more,
- for not realizing the power I had when I was young and beautiful,
- for being ashamed of what little I felt I had to offer and not sharing it with two of my beautiful, now deceased friends,
- for hiding out and shirking,
- for trying to impress people who are not (and will never be) impressed by me,
- for avoiding the word “no” and avoiding failing (it meant I missed some yeses and some successes),
- for not demanding more out of life and for not achieving more.
I’m trying to be better these days. I’m aiming to be my best self because I was given all the tools I needed to be better, to be more – I just didn’t understand that I was the magic in my life…that my desires and my efforts were what would make the difference in things achieved versus those unattained.
Apology accepted.