Lying to yourself? Me, too! 2


I often jot down phrases and ideas and keep them in the queue for my blog posts.  A couple of times over the last few years, I’ve thought, “that person is lying to themselves.”  So, I started jotting thoughts down for a post entitled “lying to yourself.”


One incident had to do with running into a friend and former colleague who I hadn’t seen in a couple of years.  Her conversation about her “boyfriend” was the same as when last we had a long conversation.  He is the boyfriend who isn’t, except in her mind.  She’s not the only women I’ve known who’s elevated an occasional tryst (or even frequent trysts) into true romance and an almost engagement (in her mind).

She’s lying to herself,” I thought judgmentally.

Another incident involved listening to a friend as she was forcing herself to fall for a potential new beau.  I kept telling her to pay attention to what he did rather than what he said he was going to do.  She was seriously looking to pull up stakes and move half-way cross the country to be with him before there was a real reason to do so.

BTW – people don’t like you to fill in their blanks…to say the unsaid.  So, a lot of times, I just end up listening, having decided in my mind how much time I’m going to give the lies  I mean fantasies they’re spinning.

I have also watched my dear daughter go back and forth, up and down in her relationship with her significant other – they’re together, they’re not, he loves me, he loves me not, I love him, I love him not, we’re partners, we’re estranged.  Oy vey.

BTW – you can’t live your children’s lives only influence them and offer advice, cross fingers and pray.

Then something happened the other day that made me critically aware that I am no different, human being that I am.

  • I, too:have lied to myself. 
  • I, too, have chosen to weave a fantasy rather than work toward a goal.
  • I, too, have chosen to look but not see what was real.

To borrow from the Michael Jackson song, I’m looking at the woman in the mirror and she’s got to change her ways going deeper and further than she has gone to face the truth.  It’s time to do something different or accept what is.

That one finger pointing out at others, left three fingers pointing back at me (the thumb was neutral).

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About Candelaria Silva

Candelaria Silva-Collins is a marketing, community outreach and programming consultant; writer; and trainer/facilitator who lives in Boston, Massachusetts. She has designed and facilitated workshops on a wide variety of topics including communication, facilitation, job search skills, team building, and parenting issues. She currently coordinates the Community Membership Program of the Huntington Theatre Company. Her work as Director of ACT Roxbury was profiled in several publications, including The Creative Communities Builders Handbook. Candelaria’s children’s stories, short stories, essays and reviews have been published in local and national publications and she is an active blogger. Her publications include the booklets, Handling Rejection; Pushing through Shyness: Networking Tips when You’re Shy, Slow to Warm Up or Just don’t Feel you Belong; and Real Questions about Sex & Relationships for Teens: A Discussion Guide for Parents. She has served on the boards of Goddard College, Wheelock Family Theatre, Boston Foundation for Architecture, and Discover Roxbury. She is currently Chair, Designators of the Henderson Foundation.

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