So my son is dating a white woman 2

My Son

So my son is dating a white girl woman.  My son is dating a specific woman.  I’m okay with this… more than okay.  I’m fine with it.  She’s a great person.  She fabulous.

I was also okay with the other white women he dated. They had lovely personalities, were attractive, smart, kind, and clearly thought the world of him.

I have friends who have forbidden their sons (and daughters) to date outside of their race and have indoctrinated them about this since their early childhoods. To be honest, their daughters are less often approached by non-Black men to date so it hasn’t been as much of a hot topic. I have other friends who’ve given their sons a preferred hierarchy:

Black women.

Latino women.

Native women.

Asian women.

“Of color” as opposed to “white” (although white is on the color spectrum, too).

Some even have drawn color lines in terms of the skin tone characteristics and said that the dates should be brown as opposed to beige.

Now, really, how are you gonna tell your son (or daughter) who to love?  As a woman of Black and Latino ancestry who identifies as Black because I was raised on the Black side by my Black mother and extended family, I understand this desire that one’s son love Black women.  You don’t want your Black son to have a preference for white women or elevate white women as superior to Black women.  But having had this feeling fleetingly and understanding where it comes from, I don’t feel disrespected by him because his woman isn’t Black.

I don’t believe in such strictures.  I want him to find a love that is as wonderful and dynamic as he is and he has found that.  YIPPEE!

Furthermore, when he was younger, the Black women he was attracted to were not interested in him in-the -least.  He had no game, no money, and no sartorial style or interest.  They couldn’t see him for looking.  It’s their loss, because he’s a great guy – caring, hard-working, funny, smart and good-looking.  They were young, what did they know?  (He also attended predominantly white, suburban schools for his elementary schooling via the METCO busing program, which may have given him a proclivity for white women.)

I’ve come to believe that there are tribes of good people on earth and that we must find each other as friends, colleagues and lovers no matter how we are packaged.

The tribe of good people must find each other.  Here’s to love with no boundaries.


If you liked this post, you might also like:

Don’t Bring Home a White Boy and Other Notions that Keep Black Women from Dating Out (review of book by Karyn Langhorn Foley).

Tribe of Good People


About Candelaria Silva

Candelaria Silva-Collins is a marketing, community outreach and programming consultant; writer; and trainer/facilitator who lives in Boston, Massachusetts. She has designed and facilitated workshops on a wide variety of topics including communication, facilitation, job search skills, team building, and parenting issues. She currently coordinates the Community Membership Program of the Huntington Theatre Company. Her work as Director of ACT Roxbury was profiled in several publications, including The Creative Communities Builders Handbook. Candelaria’s children’s stories, short stories, essays and reviews have been published in local and national publications and she is an active blogger. Her publications include the booklets, Handling Rejection; Pushing through Shyness: Networking Tips when You’re Shy, Slow to Warm Up or Just don’t Feel you Belong; and Real Questions about Sex & Relationships for Teens: A Discussion Guide for Parents. She has served on the boards of Goddard College, Wheelock Family Theatre, Boston Foundation for Architecture, and Discover Roxbury. She is currently Chair, Designators of the Henderson Foundation.

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2 thoughts on “So my son is dating a white woman

  • Evelyn Tate

    Thanks for your message, Candelaria. If your son has found someone who makes him tremendously happy, that’s a blessing. We should all be allowed to love whomever we choose. That is real freedom.

    It seems like we’re seeing more interracial relations among the millennial generation.