There is always a choice 7

The fact is, there is always a choice.

Even if it’s a bad choice.

Even if it’s something you don’t want to choose.

Even if it’s a choice that scares you.

We always have a choice between what we’re doing now and something else.

Don’t like the life you’re living now?

Choose or make another life.

Don’t like the job you have?

There are choices: find another job, leave the job, make the job you have more interesting or stop trying to  like it and just doing it.

People have made choices like:

Getting a divorce or staying married (despite wanting to divorce).

Abandoning their children or holding on to their children for dear life.

Moving to a place where they don’t know anyone or staying where all is familiar.

Saying NO!

Saying YES!

You…me…we always have a choice no matter how untenable it seems, no matter how difficult it feels, no matter how elusive it proves, or no matter how inconvenient it is.

You…me…we made choices even when we thought we didn’t.  You know those times you’re just living your life and next thing you know months or years have passed and things have been completed or timed out or opportunities passed.  Doing nothing , staying on track, running in place – all choices.

Doing the right thing or doing the wrong thing or doing the sanctioned thing or doing nothing at all – choices.

You…me…we made choices and even if those choices, in hindsight weren’t the wisest or most fulfilling or most lucrative, we made them and we need to stop pissing and moaning about what we didn’t or did do, because what has passed is gone forever.  There are no “do-overs” to quote President Bush.

Got it?


Note: On Friday I made a small, inconvenient choice.  What happened was I got on the always packed #23 bus out of Dudley Station.  A man who smelled horribly sat next to me.  I could have dealt with the smell.  What I couldn’t deal with was the loud cursing he was doing about another passenger, seated near me, who had somehow offended him when he told the driver he had no money on his card.  “Bitch I got money,” was how his tirade started.  “I’m disabled.” (He had crutches.)  He then proceeded to talk about his lover who pays him good for his sexual prowess.  The bus, now packed to the brim, pulled out of the station. The tirade continued with people rolling eyes and his cohorts egging him to be even louder and more outrageous.   I pushed the signal and got off at the first stop out of Dudley Station, exercising my choice to not listen or sit next to foulness.  Inconvenient for me but I was free.  As I got off the bus, another passenger said that she was sorry I had to hear such filth; I told her I was sorry for her, too.  A minute or so later, a #19 bus approached and I hopped on.  It offers another, less-colorful way to get home.  The #23 bus often has drama which is why I tend not to take it – an inconvenient choice, but a choice nonetheless.

If you liked this post, you might also like: Falling Asleep at the Wheel of Your Life.


About Candelaria Silva

Candelaria Silva-Collins is a marketing, community outreach and programming consultant; writer; and trainer/facilitator who lives in Boston, Massachusetts. She has designed and facilitated workshops on a wide variety of topics including communication, facilitation, job search skills, team building, and parenting issues. She currently coordinates the Community Membership Program of the Huntington Theatre Company. Her work as Director of ACT Roxbury was profiled in several publications, including The Creative Communities Builders Handbook. Candelaria’s children’s stories, short stories, essays and reviews have been published in local and national publications and she is an active blogger. Her publications include the booklets, Handling Rejection; Pushing through Shyness: Networking Tips when You’re Shy, Slow to Warm Up or Just don’t Feel you Belong; and Real Questions about Sex & Relationships for Teens: A Discussion Guide for Parents. She has served on the boards of Goddard College, Wheelock Family Theatre, Boston Foundation for Architecture, and Discover Roxbury. She is currently Chair, Designators of the Henderson Foundation.

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7 thoughts on “There is always a choice

  • Amy M.

    I LOVE this! People today seem to have forgotten that everything in life is a choice. Like you said…they may not be choices they like, but there ARE choices. And don’t moan to me about the consequences you are dealing with that are a DIRECT result of your own choices. (especially if I counseled you otherwise!) CHOICES! Exactly what life is made up of until we leave this earth. Thank you for this! Have a great Easter weekend!

  • Candelaria

    I’m glad this post resonated with you.  Thank you for reading and commenting.  Have a great Easter weekend as well.

  • miruspeg

    Excellent post Candelaria! Choice as a subject should be discussed much more often than it is…in the media, with friends etc.

    We certainly can’t determine everything that happens to us but we can decide what steps we will then take….like you did by changing buses.

    Making up our own minds is one of the greatest gifts of human consciousness.

  • Lilly

    You are so right. And often I do not make my choices quick enough leading to disaster at times. I um and ahh instead of living in the present moment and making the right choice for that particular time. Thanks for the valuable reminder. Oh you poor thing but hats off to you for getting off that bus. Very awkward situation indeed and not nice. That has happened to me too on public transport – very unsettling.

  • Candelaria

    Thanks so much for commenting.  I wrote an essay that I posted a year or so ago on this blog called Public Transporation.  In it I recount other encounters – positive and negative.  You get the whole spectrum of society riding the T (what we call the system in Boston).

  • Eve

    I just happened upon your blog as I was searching for something else. I found myself moving from topic to topic just taking in your perspective. I found myself nodding in agreement about so many things. I made a choice to subscribe. I’m looking forward to reading and sharing more.

  • Candelaria

    Thank you so much for this comment.  I needed this validation.  I am glad you found my blog. and hope you will enjoy future posts. All the best to you.