A pair of my panties has gone missing. I don’t know how long they’ve been AWOL. Let me explain.
I have a wardrobe of lingerie. I’m not as meticulous as my Mom but I do try to coordinate my undies with my tops. This is why I don’t know how long they’ve been missing. I went looking for them to go with a particular outfit. They were nowhere to be found.
I reorganized my pantie drawer in the process of searching for them.
Where could they be? I asked out loud and went tearing through the house – asking each location plaintively like the bird in the children’s story, “Are You My Mother?” – Do you have my panties?
- I searched the dirty clothes hamper. Not there.
- I searched the space between the washer and the dryer where clothes have sometimes been known to drop. Not there.
- I moved the hamper, got on my knees to search under the bed, chairs, bureaus and side tables. Not there, either.
Where oh where can they be? This was a few weeks ago.
Sometimes, an errant sock or wash cloth will turn up clinging to a sheet or towel or pillowcase in the process of tumbling in the dryer. Sometimes, the missing item is found in my husband’s drawer or in a stack of shirts, having been put away in the wrong place. Eventually, missed clothing is found.
It’s been a while now and those panties are gone. Did “the Borrowers” take them? (Why would they want my panties, any how?)
In other days they might have been left at a lover’s house or tossed in a moment of urgency and suspended on a light fixture or curtain rod…don’t laugh, it has happened.
My grandmother once accused my grandfather of having a “one-legged heifer” steal one of her pumps when she couldn’t find the mate. This joke ran in my family for a while. Did a no-pantie-wearing-heifer take my panties in a huff?
The mystery continues…What have you lost in your very own space? I know I’m not alone.
Funny and Smart! I really enjoy your work!
Hilarious! Thank you for making my day.
I’m glad it made you laugh.