You don’t have to post it just cause you wrote it 8

You don’t have to post it just cause you wrote it.  Everything you think, you don’t have to say.

I did something I haven’t done in a long time last night.  I tore up a draft of a blog post I’d written on paper in a little bit of time I seized between meetings.  I was about three-quarters finished with it.

Something said to me to run the post by my husband before I finalized it.  I’ve learned to listen to something. Something is a Wise Woman. So I gave it to him.

“Let me know what you think of this…do you think I should post it?”

He read it, looked at me and said, “Don’t post this.”

We had a five minute discussion about it, and then I tore the paper up into pieces.  He tried to stop me at the first started tearing up.  “It’s your writing, if you believe in it but it will cause…” I interrupted him because we’d already gone over that.  “No,” I said, “It’s no problem, everything I think I don’t have to write.”  I realized, vividly, that a few people might get so stuck on the particulars that they wouldn’t get to the bigger points I was trying to make.  So I did something I’m becoming quite accomplished at: letting go.  I tore the paper with my words on it, my feeling on it, forcefully.

Everything I think, I don’t have to say.  Every event that happens, I don’t have to attend, won’t be able to attend, and don’t have to analyze.

I can hold it in.

I can let it go.

I can rise above.

No one has to know.

I won’t write about the wedding, the meeting, the committee, the cra-cra, the gall, the visit, the lack of gratitude, the clueless, the lies, the hypocrisy, or the frustration.

I will hold my tongue.

Cede my ground,

Tamp it down,

Go with the flow until I can go.

I’ll self-silence this go round.

I am feeling so weary and empty and stupid as I write this.  Why? Why? Why, Candelaria?  To paraphrase the lyrics to Band on the Run by Lynda and Paul McCartney – “If I ever get out of here, gonna give it all away, to a registered charity…if I ever get out of here.”


About Candelaria Silva

Candelaria Silva-Collins is a marketing, community outreach and programming consultant; writer; and trainer/facilitator who lives in Boston, Massachusetts. She has designed and facilitated workshops on a wide variety of topics including communication, facilitation, job search skills, team building, and parenting issues. She currently coordinates the Community Membership Program of the Huntington Theatre Company. Her work as Director of ACT Roxbury was profiled in several publications, including The Creative Communities Builders Handbook. Candelaria’s children’s stories, short stories, essays and reviews have been published in local and national publications and she is an active blogger. Her publications include the booklets, Handling Rejection; Pushing through Shyness: Networking Tips when You’re Shy, Slow to Warm Up or Just don’t Feel you Belong; and Real Questions about Sex & Relationships for Teens: A Discussion Guide for Parents. She has served on the boards of Goddard College, Wheelock Family Theatre, Boston Foundation for Architecture, and Discover Roxbury. She is currently Chair, Designators of the Henderson Foundation.

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