I don’t want to be:
- A bitch
- A witch
- A person with a chip on my shoulder
- The person who steers an event from positive to negative
- The words that rain on the parade
- Catty just to be catty
- Negative just to be negative
- Exclusionary
- An obstacle or block
- The Curmudgeon or contrarian
Recently, I was witness to conversations where I saw women obliterate an event that was going well with their words, tone, volume and attitude. They were so effective in sucking the love-vibe out of the room that in my mind’s eye, I quickly rushed to the mirror to look at myself.
Do I do that? I asked ,myself. I don’t’ want to do that.
Oh, no or should I say oh, yes, I have done that. I have copped a ‘tude and changed the temperature of the meeting or encounter.
After witnessing the behavior, I realize I have to work hard not to do that. I have to get a grip. I don’t have to say everything I think – especially those first forceful thoughts.
I don’t have to:
- Magnify
- Illuminate
- Explain
- Fill in the gaps
- Show how much I know think I know
How many people and ideas have I blocked because of:
- My impatience
- My rudeness
- Not listening
- My way or the highway
- My pushiness
- A bad mood
- Insecurity
- Being around people who push my buttons (usually because of my issues with class, naiveté and know-it-alls)
- Etcetera
Even when my motives have been to help by clarifying a situation, pointing out the elephant in the room or speaking truth to power, I was rain instead of soil. So, I’m going to practice counting to 25 before I speak; sending my thoughts – if truly necessary – via email, a note or the feedback form; or mindfully meditating to get calm and focus on the speaker/presenter and keeping my mouth shut. Don’t think I’m zoning out, I’m turning in.
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Reading this article and the self-reflection that it contained started me thinking about the scabs on my personality and the rough edges that leap out before the words are even formed. Putting together my own list now and trying to be better!
When we know better, we have to do better. Thanks for taking the time to read and letting me know my words were effective in that they’ve led you to self-reflect.
Candelaria, thank you for your honesty! I know that I have been guilty of “poisoning the water” for no good (certainly not noble) reason other than somehow I needed to tout my ego, insecurity or just my negativity. In active conversations, I’ll be asking myself if do I that and checking myself when I do.
It is always helpful to know that others relate to what I’m blogging. Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment and for assessing your own behavior in this regard. We humans should continuously improve and evolve.
“Do I do That”???? I have DONE THAT without intent.
I have DONE THAT in an attempt to defend my position.
A position that always seemed to be so out-of-pocket and so different from the core of the discussion.
My decision “NOT TO DO THAT AGAIN” is to do more seeking and less speaking.
To my amazement it has worked wonders.
I began listening to HEAR instead of listening to RESPOND.
When you seek and not speak you see energy emissions from folks differently.
When you LOOK to SEE you tend to see the unexpected result of the SEEING versus the LOOKING.
The more you SEE the less words you find to SPEAK.
It’s an amazing discovery of the powerful action: SEEK AND YE SHALL FIND…I was totally blown away.
I learned sooooooooo much about myself and the power of not taking anything PERSONALLY.
“More seeking, less speaking.” These are wise words indeed. Thanks for taking time to read my blog and comment.
More seeking…less speaking is working in ways I’d never dreamed of.
It has allowed me to increase my capacity to see more clearly and understand how talking zaps energy.
I understand why “Jesus, The Christ”, used parabals to answer questions or explain decisions.
Seeking not Speaking is becoming a fascinating journey.