Being pissed off – A love choice 4


Some posts are published quickly after being written. Others sit for days, weeks, or even months. Usually written in anger or hurt or in quick response to something, by the time I set them down and re-read them, the impetus for their creation has lost its urgency and the urge to share the purge has died.  Not so with this post.
It keeps nagging me, calling me from the papers where I hand wrote in it a blur, and then put at the back of my desk. It keeps pushing to the forefront of my brain, making me read it whenever I can’t resist it or happen upon it while searching for something else. It demands to be aired and shared.
Here goes:

Stop pissing me off,” he said. The words came in a conversation about anger – his anger specifically.“I wouldn’t get so angry…” and here I don’t remember exactly what he said next. Did he say, “If you would stop pissing me off” or “If people would stop pissing me off?” Even if he said, “people” I was clear that he meant me – the person who pisses him off regularly.

I didn’t say much after that. No quick retort because the quick retorts can be like tossing a match to his gasoline and start a raging fire. I didn’t say nothing, because silence can also be like tossing a lit match to gasoline.

I made a thoughtful comment or two (at least they were thoughtful to me), asked a couple of questions, and explained – yet again – the fact that I don’t like anger. Never have. Never will.

He said something like, “You avoid confrontation,” like this was a bad thing.

I do. I avoid confrontation. And I don’t think it’s a bad thing especially when in your life confrontation has led to assault, tirades where things are said that can never be forgotten, and the gap between you and the person confronting you is widened, hours or days of being apart  ensue, and relationships are destroyed.

This time careful management on the part of both of us kept the conversation from escalating. Operative words: “this time.” Later, what I wanted to say came to me clearly:

Stop getting pissed off.

To me, it really is that simple (although I know it’s not easy  to do.) People have the ability to choose their responses and what they let tick them off.

  • If the very nature of a person – their personality, their communication style, the way they roll -upsets you, you have some decisions to make along a continuum:
  • Acceptance (perhaps even understanding)
  • Adaptation (this is who they aren’t but it doesn’t have to change who you are)
  • Exiting (you don’t have to be around someone who continues to piss you off

Some cultures, some people, some relationships enjoy volatility. I like passion not volatility.Time will tell. Counseling may help. The positives may assert themselves over the negatives. An infusion of the cash that eases the pressures that cash can solve may come.

To slightly misquote a favorite song by Lionel Ritchie, “Love might find a way.”

Love Will Find A Way – Written and performed by Lionel Ritchie
Are you feeling down and lonely
Feeling like you can’t go on
Just remember love will find a way
Tell me are you going through changes
Time seems like it’s passing by
Just believe that love will find a way
I see the tears you cry
I see the pain that’s in your eyes
So many times you were so lonely
And no one seemed to care
But if your hopes for your tomorrows
Are drowning in your sorrows
Know your heart will show you the way
Are you trying to find a beginning
Or something just to hold on to
Always know that love will find a way
Is it hard this life you’re living
Does the world seem so unkind
Don’t you worry love will find a way
Some say we’ve lost our way
Some say the world has gone astray
But if you know where you’re going
There’s nothing you can’t do
‘Cause problems will come
And they will leave you
The world will try to deceive you
But the truth will always be in your soul
Do you want some joy in your time?
Are you trying to find some piece of mind?
All you need to know is
Love will find a way
Are you looking for a place to go
Where the truth is all you’ll ever know?
All you need to say is
Love, love will find a way
Do you want some joy in your time?
Are you trying to find some piece of mind?
All you need to know is
Love will find a way
Do you want some joy in your time?
Are you trying to find some piece of mind?
All you need to know is
Love will find a way
Are you looking for a place to go
Where the truth is all you’ll ever know?
All you need to say is
Love, love will find a way
Do you want some joy in your time?
Are you trying to find some piece of mind?
All you need to know is
Love, love will find a way
Do you want some joy in your time?
Are you trying to find some piece of mind?
All you need to know is
Love will find a way
Are you looking for a place to go
Where the truth is all you’ll ever know?
All you need to say is
Love, love will find a way
Read more: Lionel Richie – Love Will Find A Way Lyrics | MetroLyrics


About Candelaria Silva

Candelaria Silva-Collins is a marketing, community outreach and programming consultant; writer; and trainer/facilitator who lives in Boston, Massachusetts. She has designed and facilitated workshops on a wide variety of topics including communication, facilitation, job search skills, team building, and parenting issues. She currently coordinates the Community Membership Program of the Huntington Theatre Company. Her work as Director of ACT Roxbury was profiled in several publications, including The Creative Communities Builders Handbook. Candelaria’s children’s stories, short stories, essays and reviews have been published in local and national publications and she is an active blogger. Her publications include the booklets, Handling Rejection; Pushing through Shyness: Networking Tips when You’re Shy, Slow to Warm Up or Just don’t Feel you Belong; and Real Questions about Sex & Relationships for Teens: A Discussion Guide for Parents. She has served on the boards of Goddard College, Wheelock Family Theatre, Boston Foundation for Architecture, and Discover Roxbury. She is currently Chair, Designators of the Henderson Foundation.


Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

4 thoughts on “Being pissed off – A love choice

  • Carolyn

    I am walking along my continuum not wanting to share a space and life with anyone who is not interested in emotional self-development, striving to live in Peaceful, Loving, caring, forgiving companionship. A contentious environment is damaging and shrivels the soul. I don’t want to be guilty of not taking the best action for my life and depriving myself of being able to say with Joy, “That was the best decision I have ever made;” once the decision is made action quickly follows. The comfort is there is always a way if we love ourselves enough to make the hard decisions.