Love can return after it’s gone missing 3

Sometimes love returns after it’s gone missing. It can be found again…

Can you love someone that you see clearly, who is no longer opaque, mysterious and unknown? Can you love someone whose flaws are apparent – at least to you if not to them?  Can they love you when they find out you’re not all that?  (Like them you are a bit less and a bit more than what they first found so alluring.)  Love can return after it’s gone missing:

Newly in love shortly after buying our house.

If the clouds move and troubles pass…

If the pain eases…

If the troubles toss you together…

If you sort for the good and not for the bad…

If things time-out:  miffed feelings, challenging circumstances, bad habits, indifference, one-upmanship,etc.,

If you remember why you loved each other in the first place…

If you forget what made you so angry (senior moments help)…

If you learn to argue without extinction-level consequences…

If you honor the vows you made to each other…

New Year’s Eve celebration a few years back.

If you consciously take action – sitting together, eating together, talking together, walking together, listening together, changing your surroundings, working towards goals together…

If some real shit happens that makes you let go of the petty shit…

If the embers of the best of you reignite and flame again…

If the positives outweigh the negatives…

If you treasure what you’ve built together…

If you seed desire with simple caresses and lingering kisses…

If you’re thankful for what it is and what it ain’t (to quote my grandmother)…

What helps love get found is a strong commitment to the love.  A decision is made that the shared attraction, values, history and partnership will not be let go.  Not letting go is infinitely harder than letting go.  

If you hold on, thankfully, love can be found, rekindled, and strengthened.


On Nantucket.

Can I get a witness?  Sometimes love goes missing but it does return.  Hang on to it.  Sade sang so fabulously these lyrics from Hang on to your Love.

In Heaven’s name why are you walking away?
Hang on to your love.
In Heaven’s name why do you play these games?
Hang on to your love.

Take time if you’re down on luck.
It’s so easy to walk out on love.
Take your time if the going gets tough.
It’s so precious.

So if you want it to get stronger you’d better not let go.
You’ve got to hold on longer if you want you love to grow.
Got to stick together, hand in glove.
Hold on tight, don’t fight.
Hang on to your love.



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About Candelaria Silva

Candelaria Silva-Collins is a marketing, community outreach and programming consultant; writer; and trainer/facilitator who lives in Boston, Massachusetts. She has designed and facilitated workshops on a wide variety of topics including communication, facilitation, job search skills, team building, and parenting issues. She currently coordinates the Community Membership Program of the Huntington Theatre Company. Her work as Director of ACT Roxbury was profiled in several publications, including The Creative Communities Builders Handbook. Candelaria’s children’s stories, short stories, essays and reviews have been published in local and national publications and she is an active blogger. Her publications include the booklets, Handling Rejection; Pushing through Shyness: Networking Tips when You’re Shy, Slow to Warm Up or Just don’t Feel you Belong; and Real Questions about Sex & Relationships for Teens: A Discussion Guide for Parents. She has served on the boards of Goddard College, Wheelock Family Theatre, Boston Foundation for Architecture, and Discover Roxbury. She is currently Chair, Designators of the Henderson Foundation.

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3 thoughts on “Love can return after it’s gone missing

  • Julia John

    So beautifully written. I’m grateful to have found a partner who understands all of this. Love is a practice and a commitment…and sometimes it just “is”. Hope you had a wonderful and “love-filled” birthday!

  • Deborah

    Wow. How did you know we had a rough weekend just pass? Often times, we humans, insuperior (got that word there?) we may be, forget love does not come easy with all the fake news flying around. We base our acceptance, or not, on what is trending. Real love is tough! It means dropping the fakeness, the assumed landscape that we think we want and getting down to the real, nitty gritty.

    Thank you Ms. Candy..right on time as always.