We found each other despite our friends – Happy Valentine’s Day 3

My husband and I have several friends in common who we’ve known long before we were married.  None of them ever thought to introduce us to each other when we were single. It turns out that friends and acquaintances often don’t know who you will find attractive or who might find you attractive and interesting.

It can be difficult to act as a matchmaker because if it doesn’t work out, people might have ill-feelings. I say, to hell with worrying about that.  Introducing people is not matchmaking, necessarily.  I try to make connections among good people on a regular basis. Some of them might end up having a love-connection but I mostly connect people because of their common interests – in traveling, in theater, reading, food-love (cooking and dining).  I peddle friendships among the tribe of good people I know.

In a world with lots of people, it can be difficult to meet that one person but keep trying by being active, by making eye contact, and by letting the world know that you’re single and want to mingle.

A lot of women I know work and relax in places that are mostly female. Another conundrum is that  places that used to be great for flirting – i.e., the T, the sidewalk, the cafe, the bank line,, are not so good anymore because most people are engaging with their phones, not checking out the humanity around them on the train or on the street  or in the cafe.  Put the phones down people. Check each other out.

It’s funny how I freely talk to men now that I’m married and have no interest in them as potential mates.  Rather, I am scouting for the cadre of fierce, lovely and intelligent women I know.

So, even if you’re looking for connection, ask your friends again if they know any positive people who are available.  There is probably someone they know that you might would know and like and connect with if they’d only make an introduction. Really. For really real.

Happy Valentine’s Day to my dear Tessil.  Glad you came for me.  I responded.  Fell in love with you quickly.  No thanks to any of our mutual friends.


I have written several posts previously on love that I am linking here because they bear repeating.

There must be 50 ways to love your lover

Love came, you missed it

Love can return after it’s gone missing




About Candelaria Silva

Candelaria Silva-Collins is a marketing, community outreach and programming consultant; writer; and trainer/facilitator who lives in Boston, Massachusetts. She has designed and facilitated workshops on a wide variety of topics including communication, facilitation, job search skills, team building, and parenting issues. She currently coordinates the Community Membership Program of the Huntington Theatre Company. Her work as Director of ACT Roxbury was profiled in several publications, including The Creative Communities Builders Handbook. Candelaria’s children’s stories, short stories, essays and reviews have been published in local and national publications and she is an active blogger. Her publications include the booklets, Handling Rejection; Pushing through Shyness: Networking Tips when You’re Shy, Slow to Warm Up or Just don’t Feel you Belong; and Real Questions about Sex & Relationships for Teens: A Discussion Guide for Parents. She has served on the boards of Goddard College, Wheelock Family Theatre, Boston Foundation for Architecture, and Discover Roxbury. She is currently Chair, Designators of the Henderson Foundation.

Leave a Reply

3 thoughts on “We found each other despite our friends – Happy Valentine’s Day

  • Elizabeth Nagarajah

    Thank you for reminding me and everyone else that we all know some great people and can just simply introduce them. I agree, put down your phone and engage. Happy Valentine’s Day to you and Tessil from Prem and I who found each other because I opened my mouth 28 years ago. #lovehappenswhenyouleastexpectit